Dragnet: Family Values
by Clayton Overstreet
Summary: When the infant son of a lesbian couple goes missing Joe and Bill have to put their own feelings about such things aside and reuinite the family.


I don't own these characters or profit from them. Feel free to gather some friends around a table and an empty glass and see if Jack Webb complains.

Dragnet: Family Values

By, Clayton Overstreet

The story you are about to read is completely fictional. No names needed to be changed to protect the innocent.

This is the City, Los Angeles California and the year is… just for the heck of it lets say 1969.

People first came to California in droves in the eighteen hundreds during the gold rush. The poor looking to get rich, the rich looking to get richer, and the people sick of life in the big city looking for something different. Following them with more success were the people who took advantage of them. People selling mining equipment, people who could give a haircut, and men who could turn the gold people actually dug up into money, all of them charging far greater amounts for their services than they could in the city because they were needed and had little if any competition.

They brought their families with them, bundling wives and children onto covered wagons to make the long and dangerous journey across the wilderness regardless of the danger to them. Along the way many of them died leaving their children alone to face a cruel world that few survived.

In this day and age people are usually more considerate of the needs and well being of children. When they don't, that's where I come in. I'm Joe Friday. I'm a police officer.

10:54 AM

My partner Bill Gannon and I were working on paperwork for child abuse cases while we waited for any calls to come in. At the moment we were filling out paperwork. Bill looked up to me and asked, "Hey Joe, is it just me or does it seem like you and I get bounced around to every division of this outfit?"

"Seems like it, but remember there are only 5700 police officers for a city of 3 million. Crimes are being committed all the time and people need to help out where they can."

"I suppose you are right." He flipped through the files. "I just don't like working juvenile cases."

"Why?"

"Well it's one thing to see the sort of thing adults do to each other. Seeing what they do to kids or even what kids do to each other, it's enough to make you hate this job."

"Maybe, but you know what keeps me coming back?" Bill looked up at me. "Knowing that we can do something to stop it."

11:23 AM

We got a call of a possible kidnapping. The woman on the phone, a Mrs. Regina Tilden, refused to give us the details unless we came and talked to her in person so Bill and I got in our car and drove out to her home. It was a nice place, a good neighborhood, with a well done lawn.

"What do you think Joe? A kidnapping? Maybe they warned her not to call the police?"

"It looks like the kind of place kidnappers hit. Well cared for, obviously enough money to maintain the house but without a lot of alarms."

"You see anybody watching the house?" We scanned the area.

"Not unless it's one of the neighbors. Let's head in and see what they have to say."

We left the car and headed up to the front door. We knocked and it was opened by a stern but pretty woman in a purple house coat. She was thin and her lips showed wrinkles you see when people smoke a lot. Her hair was black and she was holding a lit cigarette in a cigarette holder. It trailed smoke around her. She said, "Are you the police?"

"Yes ma'am," Bill said. "I'm Officer Gannon and this is my partner Sergeant Friday. May we come in."

"Thank you for responding so quickly."

I told her, "It's our job ma'am."

We were led into the living room. There was another woman with red hair at least ten years younger than Mrs. Tilden, maybe nineteen or twenty years old. She was crying softly into her hands. It looked like she had been for a while. She wore a white robe.

"I was at work when Francine called me," Regina said, sitting down next to the girl and placing her arm around her. The red head, I assumed was Francine, leaned against her shoulder.

"My baby," she sobbed. "They took my baby."

"Miss, please, tell us what happened," I said.

She looked up. She was pretty, but her eyes were puffy and red. Her voice cracked, obviously strained. "I… I was in the shower. I came out and Teddy was gone from his crib and the front door was wide open." She swallowed loudly. "I called Regina and she called you."

"Why didn't you call the police right away?" I asked.

The two of them looked at one another and neither spoke for a moment. Finally Regina looked up with fire in her eyes while Francine cringed. "We were afraid that certain prejudices might make the police… less than eager to help us."

"I can assure you ma'am, the Los Angeles police department has a policy to help everyone whether we agree with them or not. As long as you're not breaking the law we're here to help."

"Fine then you should know that Francine is my wife." Bill and I shared a look. "Don't you dare…"

"Have you received a ransom demand?" I asked.

Caught by surprise she sputtered to a stop. Francine shook her head. "No, we haven't heard a thing."

"When did you notice him missing?" Bill asked.

"I got in the shower at ten twenty and was in there for maybe twenty minutes."

"Can you think of anyone who would want to take your baby?"

Francine balked, but the righteous anger in Mrs. Tilden rose up. "Francine's mother and father have been threatening to take the baby from her."

"We… we made an agreement with a friend of ours. He agreed to help me get pregnant and gave up all rights to the baby. But my mother…"

"She is using that as part of a claim that we're morally unfit to raise a child."

"Can we see the room?" I asked. They nodded and arm in arm they led us to the baby's room.

It was full of toys, some thrown about on the floor around the crib. A mobile hung over it showing some Disney characters. "Was anything else taken?"

"His blanket," Regina said.

"Nothing else?"

"No, they even left his bottle." Francine absently covered her chest with her arms. "He's only three months old. What's he going to eat if they didn't take his bottle?"

"Hopefully that means they plan to contact you soon," Bill said.

I added, "Or that they're prepared to take care of him. We'll have some of the SID guys come down and check fro prints and some other officers will stay with you incase they call and who can check to see if the neighbors saw anything. In the meantime we'll check on your parents and see if they are responsible."

"I hope they are," Francine said. "My mother and father may not see eye to eye with me, but at least they won't hurt their own grandson."

11: 45 AM

Bill and I were driving down town to the home of mister and misses Gregory Tilden. It turned out that Regina had taken her wife's name. It had nothing to do with the author not wanting to think up another last name.

"You know Joe, I don't understand couples like that. Never agreed with gay relationships myself and don't think it's right to raise a child like that."

"I know and to tell the truth I don't like it much either. Not my cup of tea. Still you saw their home. The baby was obviously well cared for. They had top of the line toys, blankets, crib… everything a baby might want or need. They were both upset and worried about the baby and each would have clearly thrown herself in front of us if we so much as threatened them.

"When you consider some of the things we've seen parents do to their kids or the times we've been called in on domestic disturbances when a man and woman were actively trying to kill each other over penny ante arguments that just got out of hand, well you have to admit it's a nice change. I may not agree with it, but it's good to see some people who care about each other even if it risks dealing with the distain, fear, and even hatred of the rest of us. It's really none of our business anyway any more than interracial couples or single parents. As cops it's our job to enforce the law, not moral precepts. That's why we have a separation of church and state."

"I suppose you're right Joe, but then if the grandparents took the child from their daughter by breaking into their house, then it is our business."

We arrived at the condo and the door was answered by a short middle aged woman with horn rimmed glasses and curled red hair. "Mrs. Helen Tilden?"

"Yes."

"We're from the police department. We have some questions about your grandson."

Her lips tightened into a white line. "Now see here officer, I don't care what my daughter says, neither my husband or I have violated that ridiculous restraining order that…" She visibly stopped herself from saying something and changed her word. "… woman and she have filed. My husband is a lawyer and we will get custody of little Theodore in court all nice and legal."

"That's not why we're here," Bill said. "Where were you and your husband at eleven this morning?"

"I was next door at Mrs. Killjoy's enjoying some tea. My husband has been at the office all day. What is this about?"

"Early this morning someone broke into your daughter and her wife's home and took the baby. Your daughter thought we should check with you."

"He's gone?" There was honest horror on the woman's face. "I'll… I'll call my husband." While we waited she let us look around the condo. There was no sign of the baby.

Mr. Tilden arrived home twenty minutes later. He told us that he had been in court at nine this morning and had not left until lunch when his wife called him home. "Do you need to get back sir?"

He glared at Bill. "My assistant can handle the case. This is much more important." We nodded. "What are you doing to find my grandson?"

"Right now police are checking the neighborhood for witnesses and we have people checking the house for clues."

"So what are you doing here?" Mrs. Tilden asked angrily.

"Ma'am, in cases like this especially with custody disputes, we have to look at all involved parties. Every year hundreds of people decide that rather than take the time and effort to go through the courts they'll assert their familiar rights one their own discretion. A kid finds themselves torn between family members, each with their own claim. Sometimes we've even seen them kill the child rather than allow the other person to have them," I said. "Just last month my partner and I worked on a case like that. A man had gotten a woman pregnant just before she helped her boyfriend rob a liquor store. The baby was born in the pen and the father took custody. She got out and applied for custody but the judge said no so she kidnapped the kid. When the police finally caught up to her she drowned the kid in their hotel bathtub. She was still holding the child when they slapped the cuff's on her."

"That's just wrong," Mrs. Tilden said.

Gregory Tilden said, "Sir we may have our… disagreements with our daughter, but we only wants what is best for her and our grandson." He looked at me, a man who routinely stared other lawyers, judges, and juries in the face with perfect calm. I saw tears in his eyes. "Just please, get our grandson back from whoever took him."

"We'll do our best sir," Bill promised.

12: 30 PM

We arrived back at the other Tilden residence. Most of the neighbors had been and were still at work. However we did find an elderly woman named Mrs. Stein who lived three doors down from the Tilden house. She invited us in and we sat at the table while she talked.

"I was out working in my garden when I saw this strange van pull up. I try not to pay any attention to those people," she said, putting an emphasis on that last two words that showed her disapproval quite clearly. "You know about them I assume? Now I don't like to pry into my neighbor's lives, but when they kiss each other every time that Regina leaves the house right there on the doorstep in front of god and everyone. She's a choreographer for one of the big studios in town and you know how show business people are."

"What did the van look like?" Bill asked.

"It was red with a lot of strange things painted on it. Like symbols from rock groups and things. I was working in my garden so I barely noticed it. Like I said, I try not to get involved. To tell the truth if that officer who came by earlier hadn't told me that that sweet little baby was taken I probably wouldn't have said anything."

"Thank you ma'am. We'll look into your description," I said.

Outside Bill said, "Well that was nice to see?"

"What was?"

"That we're not the only ones looking out for kids even if it means doing something you don't like."

"If everyone felt that way then maybe you and I would be out of a job."

"Amen to that."

12:45 PM

We gave the description of the van to the Tildens. Regina and Francine recognized it right away.

"It belongs to our church," Regina said. "You may not think people like us are moral, but Francine and I fill a pew every Sunday and twice a week we help feed the homeless alongside the priests and nuns."

"Very commendable ma'am," Bill said. "Did you invite them over this morning for any reason?"

"No," Francine said. "In fact we've been kind of lax since the baby was born. Teddy takes so much attention and the doctor doesn't want me straining myself so I mostly stay home." She smiled at Regina. "Reggie only leaves the house because she's the breadwinner around here. If she could she'd spend every moment hovering over me."

Regina smiled at her and they hugged. "Damned right." She turned to us. "Do you think someone from the church took our baby?"

"We don't know," Bill said. "Someone may have just used their van. It doesn't exactly sound inconspicuous, but if it were stolen or borrowed then it would be a good way to distract people. Sometimes a criminal doesn't hide, but is so flashy about things that details get lost. Wear a bright red suit or a shirt with offensive words on it and everybody remembers the clothes and not the face."

"Sir, I don't care if you have to arrest a car thief, the preacher, a nun, or the pope himself," Francine growled. "Just bring back my baby." She hugged herself. "You know why I started liking women? I was raped when I was younger. By a man I trusted. After that I couldn't even look at men for years without almost panicking. Until I met Regina…" She glanced at her partner.

"I always just liked girls myself. Even when my father beat me bloody time and again and told me it was wrong," Regina said, pulling Francine into her arms. "But Francine promised herself that… that she wouldn't let anything happen to our baby. Nothing like what happened to her or me."

"Please Sergeant, help me keep that promise."

I nodded to them both. "We'll do everything we can to bring your baby home safe."

1:12 PM

We arrived at St. Luke's Catholic Church in Silver Lake. The van from the description was pulled around back and was being unloaded by several people. We pulled up and got our of the car. "Excuse me, but can we have a word with you?"

An elderly man in slacks and a t-shirt brushed his hands on his pants and came forward to shake our hands. "Father Phillip. How can I help you?"

"Father?" Bill asked, examining his clothes.

The man laughed. "Robes are fine for prayer meetings, but sometimes even a priest has to work." He pointed over his shoulder at the people who had stopped unloading to look at us. There were two women and three men. "Nun habits and priest robes are expensive and need to be dry-cleaned."

"Is this your only van?" I asked.

He nodded. "For now. We're hoping to get another one soon." He smiled. "I know it looks a little strange. We paint the symbols of several rock groups on it ourselves. It helps people in the street, especially the younger ones, feel more comfortable. Sometimes they're afraid we'll hold them down and baptize them in exchange for a can of creamed corn."

"You don't have to tell us," Bill said. "You should see the kids scatter when a squad car pulls up."

"Do you know who was using your van this morning?"

"Sure do. We keep a record of whoever checks it out, how long it's out, and how much gas is used."

"Can we see that list?"

"Certainly. It's not as if the van has confessed anything to me today." He winked. "Can I ask what this is all about?" He led us past the group of nuns and younger priests.

"Your van was seen this morning at the home of two of your parishioners, Regina and Francine Tilden."

"Ah, yes," he said with a frown. "Uh, very devout and until recently very helpful. Though I suppose with a baby in the house some things need to come second. I baptized their son just last month, though of course I could not in good conscience preside over their… ceremony. I believe they hired a ship captain."

"That must be why the elder one took the younger's name," Bill muttered. I nodded. Convincing a priest to baptize their son had to be difficult and had they not been so involved Phillip would probably have said no. Taking the other woman's name for her and her son would have probably been the last straw for him so they had not pushed it.

We were just going inside when one of the four people at the van suddenly turned and ran. She was tall for a woman with brown hair and a plain face. She had on some old clothes that were obviously used for working in. We had not looked twice at her before then. Together Bill and I chased after her, though she had a lead.

As she ran around the corner a delivery guy on a bike came around and slammed into her. He landed on her and we caught up.

Father Phillip joined us a moment later as Bill cuffed the woman and I helped the biker up. "What is going on? What are you doing to Sister Mary?"

"Let's just say that the lord works in mysterious ways Father," I said.

3: 00 PM

We got the Father's permission to search the church. We found the missing blanket in the room of Sister Mary. We took her to the police station. Father Phillip insisted that there must be some mistake and that the nun had a great record with the church, especially working with your mothers and convincing them to keep their babies rather than have abortion.

Back at the station we set her in a chair and ran a background check. She was clean, up until now.

"Do you want to tell us what you did with Theodore Tilden, sister?"

"I can't be forced to tell you that."

Bill paused. "You handed him over in the confessional?" She didn't say anything.

I bent down to look in her face. "Listen lady, you may not know this, but the confessional is only valid in legal terms if done by a duly authorized representative of the church who has gone through the complete training and registered certain paperwork. You can't be more than twenty if that and I doubt you've put in the years it takes to get that classification, let alone finished the classes in psychology and basic laws that a priest needs to be able to judge whether or not your in a position where you may or may not have to talk to someone about a serious problem and whether it's covered under the confessional. And don't try to tell us different because we can easily call Father Phillip and have him confirm."

She frowned. "I don't care what you or Father Phillip say. That baby is out of those wicked heathen's hands. I knew Father Phillip would never do the right thing when he agreed to baptize the bastard son of that abominable woman. Being born with so much sin on his soul is one thing, but telling God that you accept such a creature's right to raise a child…" She looked almost sick. "You cops should have taken that baby from her the day it was born even if it meant ripping the child from her loins."

I frowned at her. "Lady you may not agree with what the Tilden's do, but that's between them and God. You're supposed to help people, not make their decisions for them. We have a whole court system and if you had any proof that those women were causing harm to that baby you could tell us and we would have investigated."

"As if the law has any say over moral matters. By the law our Savior was guilty. Do you think it was right to kill him like they did?"

"Like they say in church, that's god's plan. Me, I'm just a cop. Our system was set up to have a separation of Church and State for a reason. Five hundred years ago a child could be stoned to death for disrespecting their parents just a little. They could burn a man alive for saying the world was round and that the Earth wasn't the center of the universe. Two thousand years ago they threw Christians into pits to fight bare handed against lions. And a few hundred years ago as a government representative I could have been ordered to cut your head off in the street for what you've done.

"But we have laws that protect your rights as well as the Tilden family. You have been read your rights and we can't force you to talk to us without an attorney present. Father Phillip has one coming down as we speak. Francine and Regina Tilden have the right to a safe house where uninvited intruders don't come in and spirit away a child whose life they have taken responsibility for. Whether you agree with what they do behind closed doors Francine Tilden is currently the only legal guardian of her son. You took him from her and shattered their sense of safety in their own home and even in the church you represent."

I stood up and took a step back. "As I understand it those two have stood with you feeding the homeless. They attended church and prayed. They took the responsibility for their actions knowing that people would hate them for doing something that isn't the business of anyone outside of their family, least of all a woman who acted out of hate when she's supposed to represent the love of a god who tells us to practice forgiveness and understanding to all people."

"God created Adam in his image and gave him Eve to be his bride," she mumbled.

"Yeah, well god made everything else too. And I doubt that you or anyone else on this planet is qualified to say how he did that, let alone exactly what he meant for it to do or become. And unless you want to follow the example of the opposition and want to tell the man upstairs you think you can do his job better, then you're supposed to live your life as best you can and let other people do the same."

She smiled and sat back in her chair. "That's what I was doing Sergeant. Why should they get away with doing something I can't?" Suddenly she clamped her jaws tight.

"I don't really care about your personal issues. That's between you and God and the person, if such a person exists, that you decide you love, sister. I don't judge or pretend to know what god wants us to do down here. His ways are mysterious and are meant to be figured out by each person in their own way, unless you can prove a burning bush told you to take that baby. Even then that won't hold up in court unless you want to try for an insanity defense. I can tell you we get people in here every year and that after the blood is cleaned up no judge accepts 'god told me to do it' as an excuse. I just represent man's law that says conclusively and with no room for interpretation that what you can't do is steal a person's child out of their home any more than someone can come in and kidnap you from church because they disagree with what the Bible says."

"The difference is I am old enough to have a choice."

"Exactly." I turned away. "And what you did was try to take that baby's choice away before he's old enough to make it because you don't agree with what he might do when he is old enough. Lady, even God doesn't mess with free will."

4:15 PM

Sister Mary's lawyer arrived along with Father Phillip, but even with his advice and the attorney she refused to tell what had been done with the Tilden baby. We put her in a side room while her lawyer tried to talk sense into her.

Father Phillip sat with his hands clasped on my desk. "Joe, are you a religious man?"

"I've had my moments. Especially when I see the good and bad in people or when my life is on the line. But if you ask if I pray, not much in my daily life. I prefer to assume god knows what I want, has decided if I'm going to get it, and that bothering Him about it is like a child asking their parent for candy when they're in line at the grocery store."

"Such faith shames me," he said with a smile. "In my calling I've heard and seen just as many horrible things as any cop on the street. And it always amazes me what people will do in their attempts to do the right thing. Acts a man with a rap sheet the length of your arm would balk at a person who helps out at a church bake sale will commit in God's name without hesitation."

"The road to hell…"

"Exactly." He smiled. "Trust is one of the hardest things in the world to keep. To trust in a creator we do not see or hear. I fear Sister Mary did not trust God enough."

"If she had she wouldn't be here. But if people were perfect you and I would both be out of a job. It's an old story."

The Father nodded and pulled a small bible out of his pocket. "The oldest."

Bill came in just then. "We got a break Joe."

"What?"

"A couple just showed up at a hospital to get their baby a check up at the family doctor. Funny thing is, they have no paperwork and the mother has never been pregnant."

I nodded to the priest. "If you'll excuse us Father."

"May God go with you."

5: 00 PM

Mister and Mrs. Jeffrey reluctantly turned the baby over to us. They had been long time patrons of a Church at the other end of town where Sister Mary had been before transferring to her current position. They were young and had often prayed to god because Mrs. Jeffrey was unable to conceive and they had been turned down by several reputable adoption agencies. When Sister Mary had told them that she could arrange for them to adopt a baby in need they had trusted her whole heartedly.

"If you can't trust a nun," he'd said. "Who can you trust?"

We brought the baby home to grateful parents. Francine Tilden's parents were there and despite everything had been comforting both Francine and Regina. When we gave them Teddy back all four were still cooing over the baby when we left, promising to get in touch with them later.

On the porch Bill said, "You know Joe, you were right."

"About what?"

He looked over his shoulder. We could still see the reunited family inside. "Even if you don't agree with someone, it's always good to see a little more love in the world."

The story you have just read is fictional. No names had to be changed, but a few minds might, to protect the innocent.

Sister Mary AKA Jane Dough was not arraigned before State Supreme court in and for the county of Los Angeles. In a moment, the results of that fictitious trial.

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On August 16th, 1969 Jane Dough was convicted of breaking and entering, kidnapping, human trafficking, and fraud. Each charge carries with it a sentence of twenty years or more. Due to the nature of the crimes and her obvious lack of remorse, the judge applied the maximum sentence. The Vatican later sent a special envoy of their own to defrock the former nun.

In addition the custody papers filed by Gregory and Helen Tilden was withdrawn by mutual consent. The family is currently undergoing voluntary group therapy with Father Phillip.

Author's Note

Now incase you haven't guessed while I myself am not gay, I don't personally mind gay marriage or non-standard couples raising children as long as it's done with love and nobody is being hurt. In fact the only reason I had Joe an Bill comment about how they did not approve was because it's based in the nineteen sixties and I'm being realistic. Considering how things actually were back then their reaction was practically a roaring endorsement for equal rights. Women had barely gotten the right to vote, and it took until now to get the right to marry each other and as of 2012 we're still working out the details.

Of course many people mistakenly think that the government doesn't acknowledge gay marriages means they're illegal. Untrue and while you won't get a tax break and many priests won't officiate at such ceremonies, there are people like some priests or ship captains who can and will perform the ceremony. And shy of you actually being struck by lightning you can probably trust that whatever god you believe in either accepts such unions or is indifferent. After all you can't read through the bible, add in asterisks, and write exceptions on the bottom of the page. (Example: Love thy neighbor. *

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*Unless he's a heathen, black, a woman, an adulterer, had a sex change, broke a commandment, worships the same god as you in a slightly different way, loves someone you don't approve of, or puts more money in the collection plate than you to "suck up").

As for Dragnet it's a good show, I enjoy the reruns and even got a good laugh our of the movie. I might even watch a new series one day when some channel that's out of ideas grabs it and remakes it like they do everything else. As it is I hope I got the feel of the show down. The reason I did this story is because it is the sort of thing that happens, while at the same time it's the sort of thing a TV producer in the sixties would have shot himself rather than put on TV because it would be cleaner and quicker than what everyone else would do to them.

In addition I gave it a much happier ending than would have happened in real life. But I figure if Joe and Bill can take credit in the show for training the world's first drug dog I can also give them a little for a step towards gay rights.

I've written several books on similar topics under the name C.D. Overstreet which are available on Amazon and much longer than this.


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